Watching a 19 Kids and Counting episode with my children gave me an opportunity I wasn’t expecting.

I had DVR’d a special program about all the Duggar births in the last decade. Jackson absolutely loves babies, so he was enthralled by the newborns. Baby after baby made his or her entrance into the world, and both my kids paid special attention to the details, asking me questions about how they were born and what they were like when they were that small. It was fun to share their beginning stories with them again.

One of the last stories on the recording showed the heartbreak the family went through during Michelle’s last pregnancy. During their ultrasound to determine the sex of the baby, they discovered there was no heartbeat and the baby had died.

Through my tears, I looked over to make sure Jackson was okay. He has such a sensitive heart, and he had buried his body in the couch cushions while watching with a look of shock and sadness across his face. Lauren turned to me, and asked me why I was crying. So, I paused the show and tried to explain what had happened, and that sometimes babies go to heaven before they are born.

After answering a few more of their questions, instead of starting the show again, I made the decision to share with them about the babies I had lost. I told them that after having Jackson, we had two babies who died in the womb before we had Lauren.

I didn’t know how they’d react, and it took them a few moments to respond. At first they didn’t believe it. Surely, that couldn’t have happened to our family. I’ve gone through that denial before, too. We talked about the two babies who were now in heaven, and they wanted so badly to know if the babies were girls or boys. They just wondered if they should look for a sister or a brother, or both, when they got to Heaven. I told them God would help them to know, and we would all be together some day with Jesus.

The thought that they would meet new siblings in Heaven delighted Lauren. She smiled as she thought about it. But, Jackson was overwhelmed. He was feeling grief that those babies had died. I held him as we cried together for awhile.

It’s been seven years since our family grew in Heaven, and it always surprises me how the losses sneak up on me. But sharing their lives with the children God has given me to raise here has brought a new healing to my heart. We are all looking forward to reuniting our entire family in Heaven, and enjoying eternity with Jesus together.