Do I really need a sign?

still small voice

What do we need more from God: a sign or His presence?

Usually, we want a clear-cut blazing sign that shows us the direction our lives should take, when the intimacy we have with God in the everyday is what will direct us.

Then He said, “Go out and stand on the mountain in the Lord’s presence.” At that moment, the Lord passed by. A great and mighty wind was tearing at the mountains and was shattering cliffs before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake there was a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire there was a voice, a soft whisper. When Elijah heard it, he wrapped his face in his mantle and went out and stood at the entrance of the cave. Suddenly, a voice came to him and said, “What are you doing here, Elijah? ”

– 1 Kings‬ ‭19‬:‭11-13‬

When faced with decisions or struggling with the unknown, we want a line-in-the-sand experience, a direct-from-heaven supernatural confirmation, as if God’s own Word is lacking.

I’ve asked many questions of God lately, wondering what He wants of me at this time of my life. Could He just show me what to do, which direction to go? It’s frustrating to not know, and I tend to strain my eyes on what is unclear rather than being satisfied with the promises God has already made to me. I want the sign.

This past week, I have been reading back through my verse journal and old Evernote entries. During my time with the Lord each day, I write down verses that speak to my heart, that God highlights to me as I study His Word. Looking again over the Scriptures and those God conversations from spring through summer this year, I realized that I was not alone, voicing my questions in vain. God was there, listening and responding. The transcript is right in my book, from His Book. I’ve sifted through old blog post and book ideas I’ve jotted down in Evernote over the last year, and God has already given me much of what I thought I didn’t have.

Jesus directs my thoughts as I just live life with Him. When I am in His presence, I am in His will. I don’t need the mighty, earth-shattering winds, the earthquakes, or the raging fires lighting the path for me. I just need Him.

I am not the story. He is.

illuminate

I haven’t written much lately.

I’ve been thinking.

I’ve been questioning. Searching. Wandering. Wondering.

I don’t have all the answers. More exists that I don’t know than I know.

And God is teaching me contentment in the not knowing.

My ambition has stalled, and my dreams delayed. In the stillness, in the silence, God is emptying me so I can be filled. His plans can be written on my heart only when I stop trying to write it for myself.

During a conversation with Jesus, the disciple Thomas questioned, “Lord, we don’t know where you are going, so how can we know the way?” Thomas voiced what everyone was thinking. Perhaps you’ve wanted to ask Jesus that too. God, what are you doing? Where are you taking me? What is happening? What am I supposed to do? Which way should I go? How can I make it?

Jesus answered Thomas, and Jesus answers me and you.

“I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.”

Jesus is my way. Jesus is my truth. Jesus is my life.

God will often strip away our distractions to help us see Him. To allow us the joy of knowing that He is enough. That He is everything.

God gives to us such beauty in dichotomy. When we are weak, He is strong. When sin’s ugliness enslaved us, His grace set us free. We were lost, and He found us. We were dead, and He breathed His life into us.

He has saved us and called us with a holy calling, not according to our works, but according to His own purpose and grace, which was given to us in Christ Jesus before time began. (1 Timothy 1:9)

I am not the story. He is. He saved me. He called me. He gave me purpose before light first shone on the earth.

Jesus is my way through the questions and the uncertainty. His way is perfect.

LORD, You are my lamp;
the LORD illuminates my darkness.
With You I can attack a barrier,
and with my God I can leap over a wall.
God—His way is perfect;
the word of the LORD is purse.
He is a shield to all who take refuge in Him.
For who is God besides the LORD?
And who is a rock? Only our God.
God is my strong refuge;
He makes my way perfect.
(2 Samuel 22:29-33)